OMG...the saga continues?

So, let me talk a bit about the past couple of months.
Around Christmas I learned Alex was engaged. He made his choice. This, most of you know. I had a REALLY hard time. I cried every single day and cried myself to sleep at night, as emo as that sounds. I've never cried myself to sleep, but there for a couple weeks, it's all I did.
And you know who was there - who took care of me, held me, even came down to help me move? Jordan. Jordan has been my saving grace these past 2 months. We've been living together, first at Brandon and Steph's, then here in mom's basement. I got to the point where Alex didn't even enter my mind. I was focused on me, for the first time in a long time. I worked on being whole, happy, centered. And I am a MUCH healthier happier person today because of it. Jordan really has made me remember who I am, and probably more importantly, who I want to be. We've made plans to go to New York together. Things are definitely looking up. I've let myself dream and hope for the first time in years. And really BELIEVE that those things are possible.
And then I had a dream that Alex was devastated and reaching out and needed me. One of the hardest things I've ever done was not go find him, not go to him. That week all I did was think of him. Need to be there for him. But Jordan kept me strong. I didn't break. I kept telling myself he might be sad, but he made his choice. He's marrying that girl and I need to move on. And it kinda got better for a couple weeks. I focused on me and Jordan. Tried to put Alex away and out of my mind. But then the other night I just broke down. I just cried and cried. I told Jordan something had to change, I had to find out what was wrong, why Alex just wouldn't leave me alone. So I emailed him. I couldn't find his facebook...he's deleted it. But I did find his myspace, but all I could see was his pic and send him a message. Jordan supported me because Jordan is amazing.
Today, while out with my mom and brother, I was talking about how weird I was worried about Alex. Thomas, out of nowhere, said, "Well you know he and Amber broke up." and he said it like, "Duh Sam, that's old news." And I was like, "...I'm sorry what?" and he proceeded to inform me that a couple weeks ago (exactly the time I had my dream and the week where I was ridiculously worried about him) they broke up because he realized he didn't want to marry her, and she didn't want to marry him. And furthermore, he knows this because...HE AND ALEX HAD A BEER TOGETHER AT THE BAR. I have that in caps because I need you to understand, my brother hates Alex. HATES. WHY in the name of all things sacred would he NOT tell me this bit of news TWO WEEKS AGO?!?! So I sat there in shock.
And I'm still kind of in shock.
I sent Alex another email, since he never responded to my first one. In this one I explained I had no idea about him and Amber and that I was sorry. And that we needed to talk. I'll keep ya posted on whether or not he responds.
I feel so bad that I didn't go to him when I had the dream. I mean, he and I have always had that connection. I knew it wasn't just out of nowhere. I knew something was wrong. I feel like I should have been there for him. We always have been there for each other.
At the same time, I feel like I'm so glad I didn't because Jordan and I have gotten so close.
What. Am. I. Going. To. Do?
I'm trying not to think about worst case scenarios right now, because I don't even know if Alex and I are on speaking terms. And even if we are I don't know what he has to say. And even if he said everything I want to hear I don't know if it matters.
I'm just so....flustered! How come one person gets to effect me this much? How did I know he needed me? Why are we so connected?
I had JUST gotten used to the idea of him with someone else. Just gotten past it, moved on and thought about other futures for myself. Written him off and it was done. Not good...but at least done!
Now what?
I just keep coming to that. Now what.
I can't just pretend like what he and I have doesn't exist. I can't just pretend like me and Jordan don't have something worthwhile.
What now?